Very Important Blog

Hey guys,


**Warning: This is kind of a rant, so beware!**

This blog isn't focused on whiny kids or demanding parents for once. I'm just really really mad right now and I need to vent here and give Steve a break :p

All of this irritation started with Facebook. I had a post about watching a TV show and then I got a few comments that kind of irk me. I've changed a lot over the past few years and I'm finally becoming my own person and I'm discovering who I am. I make my own decisions and I don't follow the herd like everyone else does. I've always been free spirited, even with a hardcore Army Dad. I guess I'm starting to discover what I want in life and how I want to live it.

A big change in my life is church. I was raised in the LDS (Mormon) church since I was born. It was very helpful since I moved around a lot with my Dad being in the Army. No matter where we moved, there was always the church and a family like environment in the church, and people to connect with. I loved the social aspect of the church, I've met some of my best friends in it. I honestly have never believed in it. I've never willingly beared my testimony because I never felt that I had one. I always questioned everything. I do have faith, but not in the church. I started thinking more about it when I lived in Virginia. My parents have been strong in the church too. My Dad was raised in it his whole life and eventually converted my mom when she was in High School. I usually went regularly unless I could get out of it, usually by faking sick haha. When I was 15, my stake in VA made a trip up to Palmyra, NY where Joseph Smith (the 1st Prophet and Founder of the LDS church) started it all. Everyone talked about how much they felt the spirit there and how spiritually uplifting it was to be there. I never felt that way and I was actually really mad about it. I prepared myself before the trip, I was ready to be there and in the right mindset. I stopped going to church shortly after that. My Dad left for Iraq and he was really the only one who made sure I went to church. I was 15 and "knew everything" so I didn't listen to my mom either. Once we moved to Georgia, I went a few times again, hoping a fresh start would do some good. It didn't. I stopped going all together and that's just the way it was. I got weird messages from church members with authority too. Before I had my breast reduction, I had to have a talk with a Bishop about my chest size because it was a distraction. My mom thought I was having sex and told someone about it and that got around and eventually I had to have an interview with the bishop. I was supposed to tell him all the details of what I supposedly did. I haven't experienced that yet either. That's really weird and perverted too. It always bugged me that I was supposed to confess my problems like that. If I need guidance and counsel, I'll go willingly to seek it. I don't have to do any of that to repent of my sins. Whatever I do is between me and God, not some perverted Bishop. A lot of the standards bother me too. I'm not turning this into a bash-fest on the LDS Church, don't worry. One thing I have always loved is the moral structure of it. I was pretty much raised by the standards upheld in the church. It did prevent me from making a lot of bad decisions, but now I just think it's because those rules were instilled in me for such a long time too. I'm mostly complaining about the simple standards. No Coke. No Tea. No Rated R movies. No spaghetti strapped shirts. No more than 1 piercing per ear. NO. NO. NO. NO. After awhile I gave into these, and of course I was judged by almost everyone. My former seminary teacher in GA gave me the cold shoulder after I got more than 1 piercing in my ear. I have 7 ear piercings all together by the way. Being shunned is not a good feeling. It seems hypocritical in a way too. The church teaches that people should NOT judge and accept everyone. Well most people don't live by that, but I am grateful for those that do.

Just like this Facebook status! I talked about loving a TV show and BAM! Here come the judgmental comments. I am who I am. Don't call me Ms. LDS. Don't quote a prophet about being CLEAN or True. I am who I am. It really makes me angry. I could even turn green and rip my shirt off. Not really haha, but still, it does frustrate me a lot. I appreciate guidance and support when I need it. But I hate being criticized and judged the most. If I am able to open myself up to someone, they should be happy that I am that comfortable to do so. I respect everyone and their beliefs, even if I don't agree with them. I don't blame the church or anyone with it for anything. I am grateful for a few life-lessons I have learned from the church, but I honestly do not see myself being in it. I can't live my life like that. Things can always change, but now I do not see myself in it. Please do not push your beliefs on me. I wouldn't do the same to you, even if we have different beliefs and ideas.

I don't have a problem with anyone who goes and believes in it.

90% of my family is LDS and for the longest time I hid this from everyone because I didn't want to disappoint them. Disappointing the people I love and care for used to be the biggest fear of mine. I didn't want to be pushed away and judged by them. Well now I am SICK of hiding my thoughts and TRUE beliefs from everyone because I'm afraid of disappointing people. I'm not afraid of that anymore. I'd rather be myself then put up a fake front all the time. So I will be honest in what I believe in.

I do have faith and I do believe in God and in Jesus Christ
I do not believe in Joseph Smith
I do not go to any church regularly
I do not see myself going back any time soon

I watch rated R movies
I have 2-3 cups of coffee everyday
I smoke cigarettes occasionally (yes, I know it's a disgusting habit)
I have a beer or glass of wine occasionally
I plan on getting a tattoo when I'm ready for one

I really hope that any of you who read this can accept me for who I am. It's not all with church either. I don't want to be treated any differently. I'm kind of nervous posting this, but I'm sure I'll feel a lot better once I'm done. I can still be a good person and not follow the herd like everyone else. I'm Jessica Anne Campbell and I'm still the same person. I'm really appreciative of the support I get from my friends and family. Please don't shun me because I don't share the same ideals with you. Thanks for reading this if you stuck around this long. If any of you feel the need to message or talk to me privately, my e-mail address is jeckawecka89@hotmail.com


Jess