Very Important Blog

Hey guys,


**Warning: This is kind of a rant, so beware!**

This blog isn't focused on whiny kids or demanding parents for once. I'm just really really mad right now and I need to vent here and give Steve a break :p

All of this irritation started with Facebook. I had a post about watching a TV show and then I got a few comments that kind of irk me. I've changed a lot over the past few years and I'm finally becoming my own person and I'm discovering who I am. I make my own decisions and I don't follow the herd like everyone else does. I've always been free spirited, even with a hardcore Army Dad. I guess I'm starting to discover what I want in life and how I want to live it.

A big change in my life is church. I was raised in the LDS (Mormon) church since I was born. It was very helpful since I moved around a lot with my Dad being in the Army. No matter where we moved, there was always the church and a family like environment in the church, and people to connect with. I loved the social aspect of the church, I've met some of my best friends in it. I honestly have never believed in it. I've never willingly beared my testimony because I never felt that I had one. I always questioned everything. I do have faith, but not in the church. I started thinking more about it when I lived in Virginia. My parents have been strong in the church too. My Dad was raised in it his whole life and eventually converted my mom when she was in High School. I usually went regularly unless I could get out of it, usually by faking sick haha. When I was 15, my stake in VA made a trip up to Palmyra, NY where Joseph Smith (the 1st Prophet and Founder of the LDS church) started it all. Everyone talked about how much they felt the spirit there and how spiritually uplifting it was to be there. I never felt that way and I was actually really mad about it. I prepared myself before the trip, I was ready to be there and in the right mindset. I stopped going to church shortly after that. My Dad left for Iraq and he was really the only one who made sure I went to church. I was 15 and "knew everything" so I didn't listen to my mom either. Once we moved to Georgia, I went a few times again, hoping a fresh start would do some good. It didn't. I stopped going all together and that's just the way it was. I got weird messages from church members with authority too. Before I had my breast reduction, I had to have a talk with a Bishop about my chest size because it was a distraction. My mom thought I was having sex and told someone about it and that got around and eventually I had to have an interview with the bishop. I was supposed to tell him all the details of what I supposedly did. I haven't experienced that yet either. That's really weird and perverted too. It always bugged me that I was supposed to confess my problems like that. If I need guidance and counsel, I'll go willingly to seek it. I don't have to do any of that to repent of my sins. Whatever I do is between me and God, not some perverted Bishop. A lot of the standards bother me too. I'm not turning this into a bash-fest on the LDS Church, don't worry. One thing I have always loved is the moral structure of it. I was pretty much raised by the standards upheld in the church. It did prevent me from making a lot of bad decisions, but now I just think it's because those rules were instilled in me for such a long time too. I'm mostly complaining about the simple standards. No Coke. No Tea. No Rated R movies. No spaghetti strapped shirts. No more than 1 piercing per ear. NO. NO. NO. NO. After awhile I gave into these, and of course I was judged by almost everyone. My former seminary teacher in GA gave me the cold shoulder after I got more than 1 piercing in my ear. I have 7 ear piercings all together by the way. Being shunned is not a good feeling. It seems hypocritical in a way too. The church teaches that people should NOT judge and accept everyone. Well most people don't live by that, but I am grateful for those that do.

Just like this Facebook status! I talked about loving a TV show and BAM! Here come the judgmental comments. I am who I am. Don't call me Ms. LDS. Don't quote a prophet about being CLEAN or True. I am who I am. It really makes me angry. I could even turn green and rip my shirt off. Not really haha, but still, it does frustrate me a lot. I appreciate guidance and support when I need it. But I hate being criticized and judged the most. If I am able to open myself up to someone, they should be happy that I am that comfortable to do so. I respect everyone and their beliefs, even if I don't agree with them. I don't blame the church or anyone with it for anything. I am grateful for a few life-lessons I have learned from the church, but I honestly do not see myself being in it. I can't live my life like that. Things can always change, but now I do not see myself in it. Please do not push your beliefs on me. I wouldn't do the same to you, even if we have different beliefs and ideas.

I don't have a problem with anyone who goes and believes in it.

90% of my family is LDS and for the longest time I hid this from everyone because I didn't want to disappoint them. Disappointing the people I love and care for used to be the biggest fear of mine. I didn't want to be pushed away and judged by them. Well now I am SICK of hiding my thoughts and TRUE beliefs from everyone because I'm afraid of disappointing people. I'm not afraid of that anymore. I'd rather be myself then put up a fake front all the time. So I will be honest in what I believe in.

I do have faith and I do believe in God and in Jesus Christ
I do not believe in Joseph Smith
I do not go to any church regularly
I do not see myself going back any time soon

I watch rated R movies
I have 2-3 cups of coffee everyday
I smoke cigarettes occasionally (yes, I know it's a disgusting habit)
I have a beer or glass of wine occasionally
I plan on getting a tattoo when I'm ready for one

I really hope that any of you who read this can accept me for who I am. It's not all with church either. I don't want to be treated any differently. I'm kind of nervous posting this, but I'm sure I'll feel a lot better once I'm done. I can still be a good person and not follow the herd like everyone else. I'm Jessica Anne Campbell and I'm still the same person. I'm really appreciative of the support I get from my friends and family. Please don't shun me because I don't share the same ideals with you. Thanks for reading this if you stuck around this long. If any of you feel the need to message or talk to me privately, my e-mail address is jeckawecka89@hotmail.com


Jess

Productive Monday!

Guten Tag!

Today has been a really great Monday, which is rare, Mondays are usually bad for everyone. I was dreading the day, but I'm really glad it's turned out to be good so far. Yesterday I slept a crazy amount. I got 9 hours of sleep Saturday night. I woke up at 11am yesterday and I was bored out of my mind. Sundays are my days off and everything is closed so there's not much to do. I read for a bit and then took a nap at 1 and woke up around 5. I read some more, watched Chocolat, talked to Steve and then read some more. I knew I wasn't going to get to sleep on my own since I slept so much during the day, so I took a chug from NyQuil, the most amazing thing in the world! I was out before 11 and woke up at 7. Charlotte started screaming my name around 7:45 so I got her milk and she told me to go away when she was done so she could go back to sleep! I was able to start the laundry and get myself ready. I woke her up at 9, dressed her, gave her breakfast and took her to preschool. I came back and did my housework for the day and waited for a guy to come check the furnace and all of that. It was actually pretty funny. On Friday, Sven asked if I was going to be around the house on Monday because the Schornsteinfeger would be coming by. I gave him this crazy look and asked what the heck the Schornsteinfeger was. It sounds like The Ghost of Nazi Past or something creepy like that haha. It's a chimney sweeper, so that was relieving.
After all of my stuff was done I was pretty bored once again, so I read (again) and surfed the net for some entertainment. I have a ton of sheets of paper laying on my desk with recipes on them, so I started to look for recipe cards and found a cool template to make my own out of brown paper bags, from the grocery store. Here's the link! I made a few of them, but it takes some time if you don't iron out the sheets of paper before you print. I keep them the way they are, and if it's too wrinkled I press it with a heavy book for awhile, but the wrinkles make it look cool. They feel a bit flimsy at first, but once the glue dries it's firm and easy to write on.
I don't really have anything new to share. Things have been alright with the kids, some ol' same ol'. I've had a few arguements with the mom, but that's not anything new either. I hope you all have a good week!

Jess

I can't believe it's already July!

Hey Everyone!

Time is flying by here, next week we'll be in the middle of July already!! I can't believe I only have a couple more months left here. The past two weeks have been pretty crazy! We've been hit with Swine Flu! It's not as crazy as the news makes it out to be and it's not any more dangerous than the regular flu. Nicholas was home all of last week with it and Charlotte was home this week. It has been tough with the kids home, but I should count myself lucky since they weren't home together at the same time! Charlotte is actually doing a lot better and went back to pre-school today, which I am so thankful for, now I get to rest and get over it as well. I guess there's no way of escaping it when you're with kids all the time.

The 4th of July was a lot of fun. I drove up to Heidelberg to stay with my friends and I had a good time even though it was only for a couple days. I was stuck in traffic for about an hour on Friday when I left. It was pouring rain and when I got on the autobahn, traffic was at a dead stop. At least I had my ipod to keep me company. I left a little before 5 and got there at 7:30. It took longer than usual, it's only an hour and a half normally. The weather cleared about halfway and that was great! Driving in the rain with no glasses is no fun. I actually stopped to go to the bathroom at a German rest area.. never again! They are SO disgusting. I mean rest areas in the U.S. aren't the best either but these... oh my. When I got there, we just hung out and watched Bolt, which was hilarious. I might have laughed more than the kids :/ Saturday was pretty laid back too. All of the PX was opened even though it was the 4th, I was pretty happy. I got a few things there and then we went back to the house so the kids could play in the pool. We ended up watching Twilight and now they are hooked on it. We had to walk down to the festivities on post because Beka had to sing the anthem and God Bless America, all short notice. We came back, had some dinner, and then walked back for fireworks. We had great front row seats by the cannons and fireworks, so it was great. My favorite part is the end of the night when they play the Overture of 1812. James was pretty excited to see the cannons go off, they were pretty loud too. We came back and I watched a movie with Jake, and then I crashed. Sunday was also laid back. We slept in, had some breakfast and then went to the library. Beka was on the prowl for Twilight books and then we went to the commisary. I love going there, it's great to have American food. I bought a few things to last awhile here. I found a Cheesecake recipe online for Pumpkin Cheesecake. I hope it works out! If it does, I'll put the recipe here.

I'm excited because the family finally decided on a puppy! No backing out this time, like with the beagel. It's a blonde lab and she is so cute. Her name is Isa and she's still a tiny puppy. We're going to pick her up at the beginning of August. I'll be spending a lot of time with her too, the family will be going on vacation in September for 2 weeks, so if I go anywhere, Isa comes with. I might go to Paris for a day, I can walk the puppy around I guess. My friend Steve is coming to visit as well, I'm very very very excited! It'll be nice to spend some time with someone and venture out more. Well I'm going to get a few things done so I can relax. Have a good one!

Jess

Juni ist sehr gut!

Hallo Everyone!

June has been a pretty awesome month for the most part. The weather is finally warming up more, so we're able to go to the pool, flowers are everywhere, everything is green and traveling is better. The first couple of days of June, I stayed with my friends in Heidelberg. I'm really looking forward to visiting with General Ham when I go back. His daughter used to babysit my sister and I when we lived in Germany about 15 years ago. I feel bad for her, I put her through hell! He's a really nice guy though so it'll be nice! I love going to Heidelberg! It's great to have friends so close and it's like stepping into America for a little bit each time I go. I plan on going for the 4th of July weekend, so I'm looking forward to it. Driving there is a lot of fun too. I love road trips and this one is only 90 mins, without traffic jams. The Autobahn is really fun to drive on, at first I had a hard time keeping up with the traffic because it was so fast, but I got the hang of it and even caught myself having to slow down because I was going way too fast. The majority of the time I was just coasting around 100mph. It's so nice to have my ipod in the car too. I don't have to torture myself with German Radio and I can jam out with Robert Plant, Elvis, John.Paul.Ringo.George, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie and Kurt Cobain!

It's getting better with the family too. We have a way of doing things now and it works for everyone. It took long enough though! Potty training with Charlotte is going well. She only wears a diaper at night, or if we're in the car or out and about for a long time. We don't even have to bribe her with candy. Now I hope we can tackle the bottle of milk situation. She's 3 and a half now and she still sued the bottle with the nipple and everything. She's going to have a killer overbite and her teeth are getting gross. Even though she's going to lose them, it's still not good. I brush her teeth 2-3 times in the morning just to try and get rid of the nasty spoiled milk smell, but it usually doesn't leave. Maybe they'll jump on that band wagon soon. Nicholas is doing well too. He's learning more English in school and he practices with me. I actually started teaching Charlotte English too. We made flashcards with colors on them and simple things like flowers, fruits, animals etc. She's getting the hang of it and it's not too crazy for her to remember them. I teach them funny things too, it's great. Charlotte can say "whatever girlfriend!" with a lot of attitude, and even a head bob and snap.

I'm getting pretty pumped up to go home too. I feel ready to move on and start the next stage of life. I miss being in school so so much. I'm glad I do too. Most people who end up taking a year off after High School usually don't end up going back for college. I'm still set on being a Labor & Delivery Nurse too. I learn a lot from Sven and it makes me even more excited to do it, struggles and all. I'm excited and scared about being in Richmond. I know I'll have good friends near me so I won't be completely alone. My Dad, Debbie and Darby will be in New Jersey and that's not a bad drive away either. Shelby and Cindy will be in Alabama, not sure where though.. maybe in a van.. down by the river. Just kidding. Cindy is actually with my grandparents for the time being until she decides what to do with her life after she gets out of this HUGE mess she made. Right now, Debbie is in Georgia finishing the house with Darby and Shelby. My Dad and the dog are in NJ already and I think the girls are meeting with him in the middle of July. My mom already left everyone and went to Alabama. I've finally simmered down some. I'm still very angry with Cindy. I haven't bothered to call her, there would be no point to it anyway. I'd end up losing my temper or she just wouldn't even talk. I used to call her when I got here to check up on her, let her know I was doing, blah blah blah. She just stopped wanting to talk to me after a while so I only called because I had to. I called her on Mother's Day and it was one of the most awkward conversations I had with her. It was like playing 20 Questions.

"Hey Mom"
-"Hi"

"Happy Mother's Day"
-"Thanks"

"How are you?"
-"Good"

"I'm doing pretty good too, so what's new?"
-"Nothing"

You get the idea of how the conversation went. It ended with her passing the phone to Darby passed it to Shelby, Shelby was too involved with texting on her cell phone to really pay attention. I probably would have had better luck talking to the dog on the phone than anyone else. She didn't call when I was in the hospital after my Dad called her and gave her my room number, and she wouldn't let my sisters call when they wanted to. I could go on, but I won't, they're all just more reasons to be angry. I was angry since I found out about what Cindy did. I saw how distraught my Dad was, and is. She lied to so many people and I cannot believe that my family is now in this huge mess. Everyone I've talked to feels disappointed and let down too. I already knew that our relationship was a downward spiral, but I did think it would get better once I left home and we had our space. It didn't and I'm okay with it, we've never been very close anyway so it's not a huge loss for me. I'm not losing anything and I can only have those "what if", thoughts and feelings about our relationship. I just worry about my Dad. I hope his job isn't at stake and I hope they make it through. Let's hope it all ends well!

I really hope to actually SEE Europe before I leave. I still haven't left Germany in 8 months!! I'm only 2 hours away from France, 5 from Paris. I HAVE to go before I leave for the U.S. Even if it's just for a weekend, I want to see it all. There are cheap flights all over Europe so I can make it through that way. I just worry about money. I have enough to do all of this, but I need to save it too. I don't get paid much so that's a bummer, but I can find a way I hope. I'd love to go to Madrid, Rome, Venice, Prague, and London before I leave too. I can fly for about 30 Euro roundtrip to most of these places, so I guess all I have to do is find time and grow a pair and travel alone! I hope I still feel ballsy when the time comes for it.

Well I guess it's time I end this lengthy blog entry! Hopefully you made it through all the rambling. Thanks for reading!

-Jess

The Best Things in Life Are Free

Money! Money! Money!

Money is everyone's problem. It's my biggest worry when I come home and now it's the biggest factor in my parent's divorce. So I do agree that the best things in life are free. Friendship, love, a beautiful view, a nice walk, summer storms, laughter, and so many other things

It's a Beautiful Morning!

Guten Morgen meine freunde!

Today is a pretty great Monday! My vacation is over and I was dreading today, but it's turned out to be a really great morning. The family got home yesterday evening and today is a normal day for everyone. Yesterday I was napping when they got home, and Charlotte ran upstairs and came in my room to hug me and she told me she missed me. It was pretty cute and I did miss her. This morning I set my alarm at the usual time and I was waiting in bed for her to start yelling, "Jess! Jess! Jess!", or "Mama! Mama! Mama!". She never yelled so I was surprised. Instead, she came into my bedroom and crawled in bed with me and told me about her visit with her Grandma (Oma in German). We talked in bed for a little while and then I told her I had to go to the bathroom, so she said she'd go with me and just talked and talked and talked while I peed.. it was funny. Then she had a surprise in her room that she wanted me to see. Her Aunt Raffaella bought her a cute pink castle tent, so they put it up yesterday and this morning, we both had to get in it, I felt like a dog getting through a dog/cat door haha. We played in the tent for awhile and then I got dressed and she let me dress her, which I was relieved about. I was expecting a tantrum or her wanting her mom to dress her since she hadn't been with her all week. Breakfast went well, the drive to her pre-school went well and so far it's been a productive Monday. I hope it lasts! I hope you all have a great week!

-Jess

June is here!!

Hello Everyone!

I'm so happy that it's June already! I have a lot to look forward to over the next couple of months. This week I have a vacation, so it's pretty nice. I had my first European roadtrip this weekend and it was awesome! My friends in Heidelberg were having a big birthday party Saturday night, so I left Saturday afternoon and drove up to Heidelberg. I had to take 2 different autobahns and it was pretty nice. I'm going to have a major speeding problem though. Going about 120mph is so fun and it's not as scary as I thought. You just keep up with traffic and you're good. I only had problems at night on my way home. No glasses makes a huge difference then! The signs got weird too. They were yellow with black letters, that's pretty hard for anyone to see I think. Anyway, I got home around 11:00 last night and all was well. I think I'll head back up to Heidelberg for 4th of July. I'm actually really surprised that the family pulled through and went on vacation. Well, Graziella stayed behind but that doesn't matter, I don't have to baby sit her! Well I have a mini-crisis on my hands right now, I got a few stains of hairdye on the linoleum floor.. so I need to go get those out! Later guys!

-Jess